How to drink like a pro and avoid hangovers

OK, maybe not totally avoid hangovers, but at least a few remedies we’ve found to survive the next day. Sunday’s are the Lords day, and you should spend it in bed praying to God your hangover from Saturday nights debauchery goes away and you don’t die. Follow our advice and drink like a pro. 

We consider ourselves to be quite the functioning alcoholics here at Brew Pound, and that’s led to us trying out multiple hangover cures throughout the years. There’s plenty of lists you’ll find online, and home made concoctions people swear by, but these are more for those of us who don’t want to throw horseradish, raw eggs and beet juice or whatever in a blender and just wanna make the headache stop. 

You’ll also hear people say for every drink you have, make sure to have a water in between. This probably works, if you’re a pussy. Honestly I don’t know because when I binge drink, I’m not stopping to have a bottle of water before my next beer. If you’re having a night out, even if you start the night off this way, after enough drinks you won’t give a shit about making sure you space your drinking out. And you sure as hell won’t be wasting time on water. Bud light IS our water. 

Although, if you can remember, yes we do recommend water. One bottle before bed at least, also with minimum two Advil. Not Tylenol or Excedrin, the acetaminophen in that will just knock your liver around more. Advil (ibuprofen) doesn’t have much effect on your liver when being metabolized (science). Obviously, if your shit faced, this is about as likely to happen as spacing your drinking out with a water in between, so it’s understandable it can’t always be utilized. If possible though, we recommend this anytime you drink, it helps the morning after almost every time.

If you’re too hammered to remember a bottle of water and Advil before sleeping, or it’s not available in the back alley behind the dumpster of the bar where you passed out in a small river of your own piss and vomit, then these are our cures in the morning.

Always get Advil (even if you took it before bed) and a Gatorade of your choosing the next morning. This is a stereotypical hangover remedy for a reason, it works. Maybe not fully, but it’ll help more than you know. Again- Advil, save that dark gray liver of yours from turning fully black with any drug containing Acetaminophen. We’re not reinventing the wheel here or telling you anything you don’t already know, but its a tried-and-true method that should always be employed. 

Also, be proactive. When you know you’re going out for a night of drinking, get yourself a bottle of Pedialyte the day before. They make ones with 33% more electrolytes, just for us booze hounds. Is there really 33% more? We have no idea, honestly I don’t know what an electrolyte is either, but it’s the same price as the regular amount of electrolyte ones, so it makes no sense not to get it. Drink this WITH a Gatorade, not instead of one. You’re gonna want that sugar too. Having these ready before your night out and prior to a debilitating hangover is what separates the men from the boys and the casual drinkers from the A-Team alcoholics. 

OK, so those are some steps you should take prior to drinking, and along with these following 5 remedies, we always recommend Advil, Gatorade, and a Pedialyte in conjunction. And naps throughout the day. You had a long night, you don’t need to impress anyone by putting clothes on and leaving your bed. 

5A. Bacon, egg and cheese and a coca-cola. I don’t know why, but this works. The greasy food and the sugary drink somehow digest in a way that soaks up the booze and kinda alleviates any pounding in your head. 

5B. Chicken fingers, fries, and a coca-cola. OK so again, greasy food and coca-cola. But BEC and chicken fingers are favorites among those of us who refuse to grow up, and they continue to help us in our semi-adult lives. If neither of these are your cup of tea, just some greasy food and a coca-cola. Burger, Pizza, whatever floats your boat. 

4. Drugs and candy. Obviously, we don’t condone drug use, and we definitely don’t want anyone overdosing. But, if you have weed at your disposal, it won’t hurt to get high and zone out to some Netflix. Even better than that? Is if you have any anti-anxiety medication. (You know what I’m talking about) Alcohol effects people with anxiety disorders like triple (science that I just made up) so it’s one of the worst things about hangovers. If you can pop a pill and sleep the day away, go for it. You’ll be glad you did. Oh, and the candy is just an added bonus, I’d recommend gummy bears. (Bonus points if they’re edibles!)

3. Boot, don’t rally. Yes puking helps. If you’re finding it hard to get those liquids and late night snacks out of you, chug some water. Lots of water. If you’re hungover enough, hopefully it’ll come out of you. Your head might hurt and your face may be red, and yeah your pride might take a hit too, but it’s worth it for the worst of the worst hangovers. Sometimes emptying your stomach is all you need before going back and relaxing. 

2. Sex, either with someone or by yourself. No it’s not always easy to get laid when you’re out drinking, and even harder to do when you’re hungover with dried vomit and drool on your face. If you’re lucky enough to have someone there though willing to do it, well A. hang on to her/him, and B. get busy. If not, porn and alone time should do the trick. Follow this up with a nap, maybe give it another go in an hour or two. I could lie and say it has something to do with your endorphins and whatnot, but I know as much about those as I do electrolytes. All I know is, it works. 

The Best- Hair of the Dog. If you were out drinking vodka and whiskey all night, yes the smell and thought of having any more might do more harm than good. No, we don’t expect you to be able to muscle up the courage to swallow any hard liquor. Have a beer though. One or two, this isn’t a marathon and you don’t want to be in the same boat you already were that morning, but the next day. Having a few beers the next day will help though, maybe pop some Netflix on, scroll through your phone, pound a few heavy beers, not bud light, and lay down. Don’t do anything strenuous. Breakfast beer is Gods gift to man, if Ihop had it on their menu, it’d be a number one seller. 

Grand Slam-All of the above. If you can find the strength, combine all five, or at least 2 of them. Greasy food and sex? Sign me up. 

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