We suck as humans. Let’s also suck as dogs.

Welp, that’s it. The world is basically becoming a free for all. It’s no longer just in America, but across the pond they’re fuckin whackjobs too. The rabbit hole we began to descend into when we decided we’re accepting people who want to identify as whatever the fuck they feel like is getting darker and showing absolutely no signs of ever having a rock bottom. The jokes about how we’re going to eventually allow people to claim to be different species if that’s what they truly identify as are becoming a reality. The modern hippies known as Millenials can’t do a thing about it, because this is the world they whined to their parents they wanted until they were handed it.

This has happened.

For those who clicked the link and thought I sent them to some dark corner of the internet for people with a fetish for wearing animal costumes, (furries, I believe they’re called) and then immediately closed it, let me tell you what you’ve missed.

A 37 year old individual (I don’t want to use the wrong pronoun… or species) has decided that it is no longer comfortable living life as a 37 year old man. Instead, it has decided it’s really a dog trapped in a mans body. Because we’re only apparently advanced enough technologically to only “simply” transform a man into a woman or vice-versa, and not into another animal all together, Kaz (that’s his human birth name, luckily it works as a good dog name too. Also-not saying he’s a good dog, I haven’t met him) wears rubber and fur outfits, eats from dog bowls, and dines on dog treats, all while barking like a maniac at his friends rather than using his words. This is real. This apparently is also a thing that multiple former-people of the world now partake in.

Seriously, it happens more than you’d think.

My first question is, why the fuck are they wearing rubber suits? If this isn’t just some sexual fetish they have, but instead some inner desire that’s been buried deep down in their minds that they were born the wrong animal, what the fuck is with the gimp like, S&M suit that most freaks pay heavily for and usually have oddly placed zippers? Wouldn’t you want to be wearing fur, all the time? I don’t know many rubber-skin like dogs out there. Secondly- do they shit outside? If they wake up in the middle of the night, too lazy to walk to the bathroom, can they just drop trou and have an “accident” on the floor before cuddling up again in their oversized dog bed? What about when they’re first transitioning to doghood. Human puppy, “huppy” phase, I guess. My dogs would commonly eat their own shit. Is this accepted behavior in the huppy community?

If I meet one of them, and they do something I don’t like, will they react poorly if I hit them on the nose with a newspaper, or spray them in the face with a spray bottle of water? Can they eat chocolate? What’s the leg humping situation? Can they just go for it when they have a human red rocket? Do they paint their dicks red?

This has awful idea written all over it, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain why. For those who think we should leave them be, they’re not bothering anyone, first off you’re a moron, and secondly, allow me to explain why.

Taking the freakshow out in public just has disaster written all over it. This looks like some back-alley Disney rip-off mascot, not some freak with mental health issues who failed as a human being and wants to start over fresh to fail as another animal. Which would likely lead to kids thinking they could play with said fuckin weirdo. What kid wouldn’t want to play with a puppy? Especially a life sized one. A life sized one who has mental issues well beyond anyone’s capabilities of figuring out. Not to mention, some sort of sexual desire. Is it for humans or dogs? Is it for adults or children? We don’t know what’s hiding behind that fuzzy mask with working jaw capabilities. Imagine having to explain to the police your child was just raped by a life size dog, who smells like old cigarettes and answers to the name “Steve”?

What if the dog attacks someone? Do these pups bite? Will they be subjected to the same punishments as humans would if they physically assault someone? Hopefully, since they identify as dogs, we can just put them down, no questions asked. My healthcare doesn’t cover my dogs trips to the vets, so these fuckers better be paying out of pocket. Even though they don’t have pockets in those skin tight rubber suits.

What if they were awful people when they were humans? Will that matter when they die, or will they get to go straight to heaven, like, from what I’ve been told, all dogs do. There’s just too many questions that can’t be answered, because I won’t go near them. They’re the only dogs I would have no problem letting Michael Vick own. There has to be limits to what we allow people to do on a daily basis in their lives before we, collectively, decide enough is e-fuckin-nough and we bring these pups out behind a shed and give them the Old Yeller treatment.

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